Mary Sue? Just What the Heck IS This Anyway!
by Chibi Legolas
Summary: Writing late at night leads to funny brain blurbs... This particular one is...well, unexplanable. So read and find out. Feedback is appreciated!


Chibi Legolas: Ok, here's a bizarre one for you. I wrote it in the middle of the night. So don't expect it to make much sense. In fact, don't try to make any sense out of it at all. Responses appreciated. Thanks!  
  
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"They want us back!" Gimli had thrown open the door and was standing in its frame.  
  
But Alexander did not look up from his book.   
  
Gimli's lips curled back in an ugly grimace and he shouted again, "I said, THEY WANT US BACK!"  
  
Slowly, Alexander raised indifferent eyes to his face. "Hmmmm?" He ventured quietly. "What?"  
  
"They want us back!" The Dwarf swaggered across the room and stood near the redhead, breathing impatiently. "Don't anyone ever listen to me?!" He grumbled.  
  
"I listen to you!" called Frodo from the adjoining room where he was playing a game of cards with Aragorn. He set a hand on the table with a smile and then carefully climbed down from his perch on top of a stack of books on which he'd been sitting. His giant hairy feet touched nimbly to the floor, and he walked quietly into where Gimli stood looking disdainfully down at Alexander. He'd gone back to reading, and to ignoring the Dwarf.  
  
Frodo blinked his passive blue eyes at him. "What is it, Gimli?"  
  
Before he could say anything, however, Elf prince Legolas dashed past them and over to Aragorn. The King, AKA Strider, AKA Elessar, AKA Aragorn was still sitting at the table studying the cards intently and trying to figure out how the Hobbit had beat him yet again. "Aragorn! Aragorn!" Cried the Elf with long golden hair. "You won't believe the news!"  
  
There was a growl. "WILL NO ONE LISTEN TO ME FOR ONE MOMENT?!"   
  
Frodo looked slightly annoyed now too. "Well, I asked. It 'tisn't my fault you did not answer me..." His voice was soft and calm, and he dug his toe into the carpet as a small child does when they are speaking matter-of-factly.  
  
Gimli chose to ignore the Hobbit and turned to concentrate on Alexander again. "I said they want us back."  
  
As before, Alex did not look up.  
  
The Dwarf began to turn a shade of dark pink and then deep crimson. "Grrrrr...they...rrrr....want...grrrrrrrrrrr...us.....back...." He managed through his gritted teeth.  
  
"Hmmmm?" Alexander looked up and blinked at him.  
  
He threw his hands up into the air. "Gah! I swear it, no one would listen to me!"  
  
"I said I WOULD!" Interrupted Frodo, who again went unnoticed.  
  
"Ye just sit there an' read your books! Allus your books! Don' listen to a word I say! Just sit there in yer chair an'...an'....an' READ! All DAY!"  
  
"Ov course he listens! He ees just very good at riling you!" Eduard walked through the door with an air of grace and a devilish smile at his lips. He moved behind a now smirking Alexander's chair and leaned down over him to kiss the top of his head. "And how are you, dear Alex?"   
  
The kiss sent a wave of mixed expressions across his face that ended in a sort of false smile. "Oh...um... Gimli here was just saying something vastly interesting. It appears 'They want us back.'" He nodded emphatically.  
  
Well, Gimli looked quite surprised. So, he had listened. "Aye, uh...yes."  
  
"And who vould 'zhey' be?" Asked Eduard with eyebrows raised.  
  
"The readers! La!" Legolas dragged an Aragorn still clutching playing cards into the room where everyone seemed to be congregating. "Ah, it seems we've suffered a terrible surge in popularity as of late!" He grinned and winked at Alexander, who turned his head to hide a smirk.  
  
"You don't SAY?!" Cried Eduard with mock shock. "Zere are actual readers?!"  
  
"Well, of Tolkien, anyway." Alexander put in. "Heaven knows, our stories don't get read."  
  
Frodo protested loudly. "Untrue! Why, just yesterday, I saw ten people visit Miss Jamberry's site!"  
  
"No one ever signs the guestbook, though, do they?" Aragorn said almost mindlessly as he studied the ace of diamonds and the four of hearts that were still left in his hands.  
  
"Well...no..." the Hobbit trailed off. Then he looked to Eduard with a conspiratorial smile and silently showed him the two aces that he concealed in his velvety sleeve. The Frenchman gave Frodo wink and a smile as a sign of happy encouragement. Alexander shook his head with an expression of disapproval.  
  
"This is all because she refuses to write any slash..." Legolas trailed off, and grabbed Aragorn's collar. "We're going to practice fencing in the gymnasium. Don't hesitate to give a call be you in need of something or other!" He waved a hand at everyone, and then dragged the King of Gondor from the room. That man was STILL trying to figure out how he could possibly been beaten.  
  
"Say, where's Pip and Merry?" Frodo looked around.  
  
"AHEM! As I was saying..."  
  
"Yes, as you were saying, 'They want us back.'"  
  
"Yes. They want us back. Back from the West; back in Middle Earth." Gimli looked at him, expecting something although he wasn't quite sure what. "All of us... they want more stories, an' such..."  
  
"I don't see vhy Miz Jamberry does not vish to write slash... Perhaps it vould be quite enjoyable." Eduard wrapped his arms around Alexander with a devilish grin and buried his face deep into the nape of his neck.   
  
Visibly uneasy, Alex snapped the book shut. The loud sound startled both the Dwarf and Eduard, who was its target, and he let go. "Thank you, no." He rose from the chair with a sleepy yawn and stretched.  
  
"Temptation....temptation.... I shall not be tempted...." Eduard stood there as though caught in a trance. Gimli shook his head.  
  
But Alex was annoyed at the Frenchman's mocking him. "Oh, please! You would have married Marie had you not died."  
  
"But then I died. And now I am stuck here in zee Purgatory of Jamberry's mind: zee place set aside for Dead Characters." He reached a hand over and ran a finger down Alex's back, making him jump. "There ees no one to love... and I crave love...and you...so slender..."  
  
"Stoppit!" He slapped Eduard's hand as he jumped away, only making the young dark-haired man laugh.   
  
Gimli clicked his tongue to let them both know he was still in the room. "Well, whot d'ye think o'all that? Think she'll start writin' 'bout us again?" There was a hopeful gleam in his eye.  
  
"Well...." Alexander trailed off, giving the possibility some thought. "Perhaps. She's had a lot of requests lately, hasn't she?... And her website, well... let's not get into that."  
  
"She's been promising to make a Lord of the Rings fansite forever!" Frodo's eyes were wide at the prospect.  
  
"Aye... I'm still waitin' fer that. At least you two have a webpage each..."  
  
"...That she wrote on once and never updated!" Grumbled the English redhead.  
  
"Zose pictures of me!..." Eduard shuddered. "Zey are sooo old! I don't look like zose anymore! I've evolved! EVOLVED!"  
  
Gimli shook his head once more. "Aye." Then he looked up at Eduard with a scrutinizing expression. "Ye know... Yer almost worse than Leggy..."  
"Why, whatever do you mean?" He looked taken aback. Alexander could only snicker.  
  
"You don't know the HALF of it!" He laughed.  
  
It was Alexander that felt a tug on his frock coat's tail. A pair of crystal-clear blue eyes peered up at him. It was Frodo. "What half of what, please?"  
  
"Uh...nothing." He dismissed it with a wave of his hand.  
  
"YOU shouldn't even be complainink!" cried Eduard suddenly, to Gimli. "Eet is a bigger crime to us, for vee are her own characters! Does she write about us anymore? No! And yet you gripe... zere are thousands of stories in which you play a part... Fans all over write about you!" He looked rather bitter.  
  
"Eh?!" Gimli looked incredibly lost.  
  
"Shhh! Eduard!" Alex was shaking his head. "Ah, Gimli, he's just delusional...as usual..."  
  
Eduard was about to object, but Frodo tugged more persistently at Alexander's coat. "I'm hungry!" He declared with a severe expression to his face. "And it's nigh luncheon!"  
  
"All right, all right." Alexander sighed and set the book down on the table. "Let us go to the imagined Dining Hall where the imagined food will all be laid out for us upon imagined plates." Frodo clapped his hands and skipped off happily. Alex gave Eduard a look, and then followed the prancing Hobbit.  
  
"Vell?" Eduard grinned and offered his arm down to Gimli. "See, zat vasn't so bad."  
  
"Aye... I guess I was listened to... a'least..." He took Eduard's arm and they marched off together towards the Dining Room that exists only in my mind.  
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You never read this. In fact, none of it ever happened. You imagined the whole thing. Insert names of your characters where you see ones alien to you. Have a good day!.....night...morning...afternoon... 


End file.
